I wrote this note to myself almost a year ago. I was reading through it and it still holds true today, so I wanted to share it with you.
Here goes...
This past week my first and only child, Phoenix, turned 4 years old.
His birthday was a wonderful morning spent at a local hotel pool complete with waterside and hot tub.
We splashed the morning away with his closest friends and finished the party off at the local restaurant where they severed kids meals to every child and provided a wonderful cake!
While Phoenix had an absolute blast, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated.
I don’t know if it was something in the water or what, but every one and their dog seemed to be up in my business this week.
Of course, not only at the party was I asked the question I dread the most. But I also got grilled recently by family, co-workers and yes, even my cleaning lady.
Listen, I understand that for most the question “So, when are you having another baby?” Might be the segway to a wonderful conversation.
For me, however this question hurts.
This question makes my heart break. All over again. It‘s a reminder of all the trauma I have been trying to recover from in the past year.
It reminds me of the severe post pardum depression I had with my first child.
It reminds me of the endless, dark and torturous days of colic.
It reminds me of my miscarriage in 2017.
It reminds me of the dark, lonely, and life threatening depression I experienced after the miscarriage.
It reminds me of my autoimmune diseases and the flare-ups I have endured over the past 4 years.
It reminds me of the risks we would have to take to get pregnant. Risking both my life and the babies.
So to all those who have asked, or to those that are wondering.
Am I planning on having another baby?
The answer is simply no.
No.
For those of you so inclined to ask - accept this answer and move on.
I shouldn’t have to to explain the impossibly traumatic reasons why we are not having another child. I am, for now, happy with my family just the way it is.
For my readers, I would like to know - have you ever been asked this question?
“When are you having another baby?”
Did you feel it was invasive?
How did you respond?
I look forward to hearing about your experience in the comments section below.
as always....
Health and Happiness,
Heather 💜
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